Five Best Finessers In The NBA: Big Bag Edition
 

Five Players Stealing The Most Money In The NBA

I’m all for robbery. Maybe not in the sense of strong arming an innocent civilian but I’m all for the type of robbery that involves sports. When it comes to owners of sports franchises being duped into overpaying a player, I cackle. Shoot, most of us do. For one, how could a billionaire who takes prides in building their organization be so clueless? Secondly, I just wanna see players eat as greedily as they can before the lights go off and their careers come to a close. With all that being said, enjoy 4MP’s list of the NBA’s five best finessers.


 
  • Memphis Grizzlies Chandler Parsons

When the Grizzlies signed Parsons to a contract worth $94 million over four years in 2016-17, I thought my head was gonna burst like the Ku Klux Klan member who found out Clayton Bigsby was actually black. You should’ve seen 4MPHyAli, a noted Mavericks fan, that negro was sick as hell when he saw the news. After fizzling out in Dallas, where his bromance with Mark Cuban turned out to be one of the worst relationships of Cuban’s career, Parsons sweet talked Memphis, another sucka, into giving him a massive payday. The results of the deal look something like this: Through 73 games he’s averaged 7.0 points on 40.2 percent shooting from the field to go along with 1.7 assists and 0.7 turnovers. Not only is he a shell of his former self, his effort on the defensive end is beyond pitiful. Just ask Joe Ingles, who looked like Tyreek Hill when he was speeding away from Parsons during a tilt between the Jazz and Grizzlies early in 2018-19. Parsons is putrid but salute to the bag.

 
  • New Orleans Pelicans Solomon Hill

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Hill is a product of the summer of 2016, when it seemed like everyone and their mama was getting a new contract -- yes free agency was really like an Oprah giveaway. “You! Underachiever over there, you get a deal!” I’m not going to call Hill an underachiever because I don’t know anyone who thought he was going to be a star, especially after three uninspiring years in Indiana, but 4 years $48 million sounds criminal when looking back at it. The third highest-paid player on the Pelicans, Hill has shot an eye-popping 37.3 percent from the field since landing in New Orleans, including 38.3 percent in his first season and hasn’t made the difference the team thought he would defensively. If Hill’s agent is reading this, let him know that he’s the realist in the game.

 
  • Charlotte Hornets Nicolas Batum

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I’m not here to say Batum is the worst player on this list, because he’s probably the best and most valuable. Is he worth $99 million over four years? Not a chance on God’s green earth. As the highest-paid hooper on the Hornets, Batum should at least lead the team in some categories right? Wrong. Although he’s never been known for being the best shooter in the world, he’s shot a miserable 41.1 percent through his first 216 games with the team, has been above-average as a distributor -- which is probably his best quality and looked virtually disinterested on defense -- who wouldn’t in a city that boasts terrible barbecue despite its reputation. His contract is untradeable, but you’ve got to admit, it’s hilarious that he makes more money than Kyrie Irving, Jimmy Butler and Victor Oladipo.

 
  • Washington Wizards Ian Mahinmi

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For some reason, the Wizards can’t recruit big-name players to the nation’s capital. Despite seeing people lined up outside your favorite brunch spot in brunch boots and equestrian attire, the city should be a destination that attracts some of the game’s premier superstars. We’ve talked about the brutal Summer of 2016, a beautiful time when everyone was getting overpaid. Mahimi is a product of that. When you give a journeyman, whose career year consisted of a 9-point and 7-rebound season a $64 million contract over four years, you deserve every bit of embarrassment that comes with playing for a team that Kevin Durant utterly disrespected on TV. Sub me out, I’m tired of talking about Mahimi.

 
  • Miami Heat Tyler Johnson

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Every time Johnson shows up on the TV, 4MPHyAli and I yell out the famous Lil Wayne “Like a white person with blue veins” line. The biracial baller is in fact, black too. Don’t let the look fool you. Now to the important part of this piece. When the Nets offered Johnson a four-year $50 million contract, he said he threw up a couple of times from looking at the numbers. Coincidentally, I also threw up when I saw the offer pop up on the ESPN ticker. The best part about this, is the Heat ended up matching the offer, signifying they could not live without the guard. Boy, I tell ya. What did they see? I don’t think there’s anything that screams big money when talking about Bumpy Johnson lol, and it’s not that he’s awful, it’s just he isn’t a building block on a contender. He can’t really defend, is an average shooter and has looked to have reached his ceiling. I don’t know how you trade Johnson, but if I were Pat Riley, I’d be dialing up every GM as this is being typed.