If you’re a Steelers fan or an owner of Le’Veon Bell in fantasy leagues, you’re probably pissed that instead of gashing defenses for massive gains, he’s living his best life, massaging big-bootied goddesses at strip clubs, jet skiing and hosting release functions for his new EP, “My Side of Things.” On the flip side, if you’re anybody who’s refusing to let emotions get in the way of common sense, you understand that Bell is a genius who understands the short shelf life of NFL running backs and doesn’t want to end up like DeMarco Murray -- overused, beaten up and retired without the financial backings of a massive contract. Friends, Bell is giving us all a lesson in knowing your worth. With the Steelers in disarray, the team announced prior to playing Tampa Bay that Bell would be on the market. Here we will break down some of the best fits for the league’s most gifted ball-carrier.
Buccaneers: Oh hey guys, not only are we playing against you this week, but we’re willing to offer you the best running back on planet earth for virtually nothing. Why, you ask? Because we’re a stingy franchise who thinks it's more of a reward to play for the organization than it is to be paid your value. Now, on to business. The Buccaneers’ offense has looked explosive so far this season, and this is without a semblance of a running game. They have all their draft picks from 2019, including one they acquired from the Steelers in a trade for J.J. Wilcox (who’s no longer in the Steel City). Trade some of those picks, throw in a player of value and boom! Le’Veon magically appears on your doorstep and you’re now one of the most feared teams in the NFC.
Broncos: Hometown sensation Phillip Lindsay has enjoyed an extremely cute start to his career. And no, I’m not being facetious. Honestly, the story is fit for a Disney Movie. Royce Freeman, the team’s other rookie running back, has also been pretty impressive. That’s all fine and dandy. Neither of these guys are Le’Veon Bell. Not sure if the Broncos have the cap space. They’re 20th in the league in cap space, entering the 2019 offseason, but I think you can find a quick fix for that. Let’s start off with a package of players and draft picks, which includes Shane Ray (the Steelers need another pass rusher) and the team’s first and second. With some a little razzle dazzle from GM John Elway this could happen.
Patriots: The Patriots are notorious for not paying their players. With that being said, they’ve never had a runner like Le’Veon Bell and have shelled out big money for stars (look at Darrelle Revis and Stephon Gilmore’s contracts). Though New England’s known for taking a committee approach to its running game, the offense has looked porous so far in 2018 and are in need of a quick fix other than Josh Gordon (who may not even pan out.) Cut your losses at running back sans Sony Michel and James White, bring Bell in and all of a sudden, you have one guy who can do what everyone can do combined and more. Just pay the man, Bill. You’ll forever be grateful and you’ll extend Tom Brady’s career by 10 years.
Colts: This is by far, the most logical situation. The Colts don’t have a solidified starter at running back, rotating a combination of unproven rookies and castoffs. Entering the 2019 offseason, Indianapolis has the most cap space in the NFL. Andrew Luck may not have the arm strength he used to and not only does Bell take the pressure off him with a dynamic running game, he would easily catch 85 balls in this offense. This is a matchmade in football heaven. If Jim Irsay is sober (which is up in the air), he should make the move and make it now.
Jets: Looking solely at what makes the most sense this ranks second, but in terms of what will be the most entertaining choice there is no better option than the New York Jets. Sam Darnold is a franchise quarterback. I don’t care how you slice it, he’s the future of the Jets. Despite his prowess on the field, his personality doesn’t necessarily scream Timbs and Montclair coats. Enter Le’. He’s got the charisma to light up the Big Apple. He could further his rap career in the mecca (something none of us want to hear but s/o to the man Bizzoe, a friend of a friend to 4MP. He raps with Le and he’s nice). And he’ll fit in perfectly on a team that needs a bellcow to take the pressure of Darnold, and is entering the 2019 offseason second in the league in cap space. Shit, I feel more aggressive from writing this.