These Are My Craigslist Confessions Pt. 2
I have struggled with whether or not I would ever recount this tale, as it tested the limits of my mental fortitude. But, after a long debate fraught with hesitation, I have decided to give the masses what they so desperately require: entertainment at the expense of myself. It all began on a cool autumn evening in the Mile High City. As I browsed the personals and read the sick, twisted ads posted, I happened across one that peaked my interest. “Home From The Club, Needing Love” Now I knew better than to expect she would be looking for real “love” on Craigslist; she just wanted her guts rearranged. I responded to the ad with the necessary information and continued browsing while I waited for a reply. Within 20 minutes, I received a reply containing pictures, an address, and a phone number to text. This woman meant business and I was happy to oblige. After some brief text exchanges, I was in my car embarking on the 20 minute voyage to downtown. As I arrived and located parking, it became evident that someone would have to buzz me into the apartment building. As I was texting the woman to inform her, someone said “Hey, you coming in?” and held the door for me. What luck, I thought, as I got into the elevator and pressed floor 8. I exited the elevator and read the sign in the hall to point me in the direction of apartment 8___. As I approached, I wondered what this woman was into and what she might be looking to do. My thoughts ceased when the door opened as I raised my hand to knock. Inside was a smaller Mexican woman, perhaps 5’3 and 110lbs. As my eyes quickly scanned over her body, I noticed movement in the back of the room. My eyes adjusted and I saw a tall, slender male standing at a counter, pouring a drink. She must have been watching my eyes because she quickly interjected “Don’t worry, he’s cool with this.” I smiled and nodded, but I remained on high-alert. I had seen too many Lifetime Network movies for me to feel relaxed with another strange man in the room while I engaged in sins of the flesh with his woman. We entered the apartment, crossing the kitchen to reveal a large living room with panoramic windows and views of the city. The woman was wearing a red silk robe and what appeared to be lingerie underneath, the male was dressed casually in shorts and a tank top. While the woman rambled on about being on ecstasy, I pretended to be engaged but kept tabs on the male. He seemed to be under the influence of something other than alcohol and was totally non-verbal. My negro senses were peaking, something was not right. The woman led me over to the TV and asked for my input regarding the music selection. As I directed her channel selection, I watched the male move from the kitchen to the couch, via his reflection in the window. As the woman and myself turned around, I could feel the big ask approaching. We walked towards the couch and the woman stopped just short to face me “We were wondering if you would fuck both of us?” The words barely escaped her lips and I was reeling in shock. Did these people really think I would get bamboozled into some homoerotic scenario by a Craigslist ad? Not today! I smiled, partly to buy time and partly to contain the rage that was boiling up in my chest. “Unfortunately that is not how I get down. I apologize that I cannot fulfill your needs tonight.” My words echoed in the apartment, faintly accented by Young Thug’s “Best Friend” playing in the background. I gambled here, but I knew what I was doing. I looked hard into the woman’s eyes, searching for her answer. The long pause told me the scales were tipping in my favor. Finally she spoke “Well… that was more his idea if I’m being honest. But he’s off a pill and won’t know either way. Would you still fuck me?” I had to bite my tongue to keep from smirking, my plan had worked. I nodded, wordlessly, as I untied the ribbon that held her robe closed. The silk fell away from her body in cinematic fashion, revealing red lingerie with nipple and vagina cutouts. I placed my right hand on her shoulder and depressed, ever so slightly. She sank onto the couch and reached for my waistline as I stood in front of her. She unwrapped me with all the eagerness of a newly-adopted child on Christmas morning. Her mouth was on me in a matter of seconds. All the while, her man laid on the couch in what can only be described as a fight between the drugs and his will to live. His woman gobbled pipe while he lay only feet away, his brain synapses ravaged by synthetic chemicals. The woman guided my hands to her hair, which I held dutifully while she aggressively damaged her own windpipe. After a while, the woman stopped, looked up at me, and stated “I’m ready for you to be inside of me, sir.” SHIT, the sir got me, I can’t even lie. She half-heartedly held out a condom but before I could even reach for it said “I act like I haven’t already tasted your precum, forget it,” and tossed the condom in the direction of her incapacitated male companion. She laid back on the couch and held her legs above her head, fully submitted to what was about to take place. As I plunged into her warm depths, I couldn’t help but quake. Her walls were remarkable, and she knew it. “Ooooh you like that don’t you?” she said to me as I tried to puncture her cervix. “He can’t everrrr hit it like that,” she said, gesturing in the direction of her male counterpart. “Hey babe! Babe!” she shouted at him to try to grab his attention. For a fleeting moment, her voice brought him back to the realm of the living and he seemed to focus on her as he tried to process what was happening. “All you want to do is get high and sleep so guess what- I’m getting the dick I deserve,” she snapped aggressively in his direction. Either the drugs were too strong or he didn’t understand her because all he managed to do was give her a thumbs up and reach over to fist-bump me. “What a loser!” she said angrily as I continued to pound her out. As we neared the moment of truth, she whispered “Cum on my stomach, daddy.” I happily obliged and sprayed the outside of her vagina with a fresh coat of paint. “Mmmm yes,” she moaned as she laid on the couch, legs still trembling. At this point, I was in the act of getting dressed again, as this was not exactly the environment I wanted to relax in. Her male companion seemed to be regaining consciousness because she called out to him and he responded “Wha…what?” She snapped back at him “Come eat my pussy” and looked at me with a wink. Heavenly Father, forgive her for she is not right in mind or soul. I slipped my last shoe on as her boyfriend buried his face in her freshly-beaten in pussy. I froze in a mixture of shock and horror as she pushed down on the back of his head and playfully whispered “You like that? It tastes good doesn’t it?” All the while, she was looking at me and kept winking maniacally. As I moved to exit, the boyfriend came up for air and his face was glistening. All I could muster was an “Adios” as I left the front door and walked/jogged down to the elevator. What I witnessed that night troubled me greatly for a number of reasons. Firstly, I don’t clap male cheeks, ever. Secondly, that man was bamboozled into doing what he did. Yes, the drugs were his choice and no, I don’t feel bad. But my goodness the woman was a sick as I have ever encountered and I cannot believe she made him unwittingly… well, you know. I sped home, eager to wash the sins off of my body. In the shower, as the hot water induced further clarity, I couldn’t help but think that what I had just experienced was the type of shit you watch in a porno or read about on Reddit, but here I was, a living testament to the sickness of mankind. I had entered the belly of the beast and emerged unscathed. This experience only served to hone my sickness and allow me to continue in the pursuit of terminal sickness.