Hysom Zarroug

10 Takeaways From HBO's Euphoria Ep. 5

Hysom Zarroug
10 Takeaways From HBO's Euphoria Ep. 5

10 Takeaways HBO’s Euphoria Ep. 5

I’m not tardy here, but I’m a few episodes too late to be starting a breakdown of Euphoria. I’m not about to write a long-ass review, though. Don’t see the point in authoring one of those gnarly-ass pieces using frivolous SAT words to drill home that the writer is an “elite TV guru.” I’ll fuck around and share my thoughts via bullet points, however. Here are 4MP Bobby’s 10 takeaways from ep. 5. 

  • Bitch, thank you for limiting the number of pink penises in this episode. We prefer no raw chicken during our TV-watching experience, but I guess we can handle one after being bombarded by the locker room scene in ep. 2 -- which triggered nightmares of years of playing football with white brehs -- and the jerking of the micropenis. Again, thank you for sparing us.

  • Zendaya is acting her ass off, delivering a solid performance as the town crackhead. I’m just glad Jules sees Rue for the annoying, desperate, unbearable clingon that she plays. Jules has no interest in being her sobriety crutch, and I don’t blame her. Jules likes dicks, and Tyrone Biggums is a much more viable option if you want to date a junkie. He at least got his joint a rock when he won Fear Factor. 

  • I’m not here to pontificate on teenage sex life, but damn does Rue fuck with anybody of color? Does she not like her mother? This is sick.

  • I don’t know why, but when Cassie tells McKay about the dicks in Nate’s phone it feels like when Tupac had the juice. Some devious shit will come of this. 

  • Where’s Roger Goodell when you need him? Raging football player assaults girlfriend is his specialty, and only he knows what discipline should be handed down. 

  • I thought Cal was going to say something crazy to Nate in the interrogation room. A great thing, he didn’t. Nate’s got the tape, and Papa Fluid understands the risk here. Way to tread lightly, boy. 

  • I feel Kat, fat girls with confidence are powerful. Only issue is the only power she gets is through dick. I don’t know if that’s sustainable, but we will see. 

  • Bruh, I’ve been able to sit through a lot of this show’s shit. With that said, the scene with Cal in the motel with whomever that was took the crown as the season’s most uncomfortable thus far. The discussion between the two in which Cal asks if his boys’ rage is a direct byproduct of his actions was very dope, deep  and necessary. We finally got to see a semblance of emotion from the typically stoic and sexually deviant Cal. But the bussy poppin’ and overall sleaziness of buddy in the motel threw me all the way off. 

  • Do people actually practice porn poses or is Maddie on some extra shit?  Either way, she knows how to finesse men. We stan a queen who knows how to use her powers for the jugg. 

  • Of all the unsavory characters in this show, Jules’ dad seems pleasant.